Friday, January 29, 2016

WHO ARE YOU GUYS?

What the heck is happening?

My blog traffic has skyrocketed the past month. Where did all you people come from? I got over 500 views just this month.
HOW? WHAT?
WAAAT?



Graph of most popular countries among blog viewers
                                                               This is just today's!!!


Did I participate in some 'share your blog' thing that I have no recollection of?


End of spaz. 

Monday, January 11, 2016

A Small Victory

It's 2:20 A.M.
After a very, very long time, I feel happy with myself.

The music soothing my ears does a fine job of soothing my mind. "It's been a long day" plays as soon as I make this small victory.
Hell, it's been a really long day, Charlie Puth.

Today has been just another day of spiraling  in the sinking realization that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and my skill-set is non-existent.
I was dragging myself around, trying to stay positive. But today, as I was looking for potential internship chances on Google, I felt dejected. I possess not one skill that they're asking for. The only thing I have is communication skills but that isn't going to get me far. I NEED to be smart.
Then, I tried to look for apprenticeships and that was another pothole.
I felt like a lost cause.
I mechanically came home, moved around and took to music to ease my mind. Tears running down my face, my mind running a thousand directions. I had no idea what to do.

My brother sent me some tutorials to learn Android Studio last month. I couldn't understand much of it. Then I tried another 20 videos on YouTube. Nothing made sense to me.
Side Note: My Dad is one of the most hard-working people I know. He's always teaching himself something. He has this drive to be the best he can be.
All of the people around me have this drive or this ability to push themselves.
I've always been a coward. I don't push myself. I limit myself and wallow in my self-created chaos.

Today, I put my foot down. (Weakly, but put down nonetheless)
I searched "Android Studio Tutorials" in Google for the nth time and dispiritedly looked for a miracle.
After around 8 videos, I finally found something that I could understand.

Well, I've just created my first android application. It's a simple one, so don't get too excited. It has only function. But it DOES SOMETHING!

Before I started today, I told myself. 'You need to finish what you started! ' It's 2:36 and I think I've done pretty well.


Good Night!


P.S.- If you're thinking something along the lines of 'Omg, at least you created that. I don't even know how to do that', then please don't.
There's this saying that I'm always throwing around in my head.
"Nobody wants to hear about the story of rags to riches, until its over".
Similarly, let me finish this thing I've just started before you bombard me.

Apart from that, if you guys ever need any help, just ask me. I'll always be willing to help to the best of my ability.


Charlie Pluth

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

A Letter

I opened my blog, set on writing something today. I feel gloomy and quite literally searched the 'melancholy' tag on 8tracks. At the moment I'm listening to a mix called 'The Devil's Waltz'. At a loss for words, I opened my Gmail and started deleting spam when I nearly deleted one surprising e-mail.

In 2014, I found this website called futureme.org which lets you send your future self a letter. I wrote myself a letter on November 28th, 2014.
Here are some snippets.


Dear FutureMe,

I've put the delivery date so far into the future that you'll forget about this by then.
Tomorrow I have my C.O. and MFCS exam for the second mid, of sophomore year, 1st semester. I know you know what I'm going to say next. That I haven't studied anything and it all sucks. So yeah, all of that. So how are you?
You'll be a junior by now, right? Wow, that seems awesome. I wish I could time travel to that point right now. Then I would have one less year to worry about. Anyways, just two more years for you now! AWESOME!
So I wanted to tell you something very important.
It's all going to be okay. You have the most wonderful family and are surrounded by safe(ish) people. You should have faith in yourself, okay? I got selected as the Head of Content Writing for TCC last month, which was awesome. :)
I hope you've done something good with that opportunity.

Stop treating yourself so badly. Love yourself first before looking to others.
So be happy, stay safe, study well and don't give up on yourself!
BYE!
-18 year old me



Damn. I'll be 20 in a couple of months and I'll be graduating college in a year. I'm equal parts terrified and excited to see what life has in store for me. 
I'll probably send myself another letter but I'll shoot it a little farther into the future. If you're still reading this then, it'll be fun.  :)


P.S. Do check out the website futureme.org and read some of the public letters. They're all anonymous but I just read some wonderful letters that are very heartening.